Just thinking out loud

It’s been a tough few days for me. Not tough as in no food, not tough as in no shelter. But tough emotionally. Does that count? I guess it’s all relative but it does make me think that I’m asking to much sometimes.

I thought I was coming home, but home has changed. The “village” I’d hoped to settle down in for awhile, Hout Bay, is no village any longer…it was never a tiny place while I lived here, but rather “sleepy” and laid back is how I’d describe it.  But now it’s bustling, busy, and full of people driving around all the time. I can deal with people walking around, but cars everywhere, non-stop… grrr.

There are positives, it has all the facilities that you could want, the natural beauty of the place is astounding, but I just don’t like “busy” any-more. I need the simple, quiet, open. Where ever I look I see walls and electric fences, everyone living in their little castle. It really is bothering me and I don’t think I can get used to it.

So now I got to find the balance between finding somewhere else, smaller and from a different time, and not knowing a soul when I get there. How? Where?

I think I’m going to seriously look at how I could get involved in charity work, so long as that takes me to place that’s small, where community is important and the sea is close. Or try put something together of my own, get people who have resources involved, buy some land do some good somehow?

Perhaps I do ask to much, but what’s the alternative? 9-5 just to pay bills for stuff I need to do the 9-5 job? Fuck that, who does that help?

Edit 10/07: Had a really good day today. Got out and walked in the mountains, on the beach and just spent some time thinking. My conclusion is that I a) give things time b) evaluate what’s important to me now, and for the future c) make changes as needed from there.

Suggestions welcome!

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